all-time favourite quotes--

- Dijon vu = "This mustard tastes familiar."
- Daysa vu = "This is the same storyline they did on that other soap opera."
- Deja moo = "I swear that's the exact same cow we passed about six miles ago."
- Vuja De = That feeling you've never been here before.
- Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before
- I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
- I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said: The whole time.
- Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstyle you like.
- It's not an optical illusion, it just looks that way.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- As easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841.
- I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
- Polynesia: Memory loss in parrots.
- Support Search & Rescue - GET LOST!
- I like children. Properly cooked.
- Some women get excited about nothing and then marry him.
- If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.
- I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
- Is there another word for synonym?
- The statement below is true.
- The statement above is false.
- All general statements are false.
- Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
- If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
- My parents made me what I am today. I'm thinking of suing.
- 90% of all statistics are made up
- Statistics show every two minutes another statistic is created.
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
- I am in shape. Round is a shape.
- Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.
- If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
- No, 'Eureka' is Greek for 'This bath is too hot.'
- Foosh. Aaughh!! Foosh. Aauuggghh!!...Cold spray deodorant....
- I go to bed early. My favorite dream starts at nine.
- There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't.
- 5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.
- Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
- Color... it's just a pigment of your imagination.
- Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
- You're so open-minded, your brains fell out.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
- Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
- A good pun is its own reword.
- It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room-temperature.
- It happens sometimes. People just explode. Natural causes.
- We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
- There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.
- Ten out of ten people surveyed in the street are pedestrians.
- 'You want us to do WHAT?' - Ancient Chinese wall engineer.
- Do you believe in love at first sight or should I drive by again?
- I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting to get into the bathroom.
- Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
- 'Scattered showers my ass.' – Noah
- Carpe diem - Sieze the day; Carp in denim - There's a fish in my pants!
- Don't judge a book by its movie.
- I'm not cynical. Just experienced.
- If it weren't for caffeine I'd have no personality whatsoever!
- Dance like nobody's watching.... We all need a laugh now and then.
- Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away and you've got his shoes.

that's right: we all need a laugh now and then =)