stop studying and read this:

The following excerpts are from a book I've been reading by John and Stasi Eldredge called "Captivating: unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul" from Koorong. Very eye-opening, thought-provoking stuff...

Unseen, unsought and uncertain:
I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I've met feels it- something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing of who she is. I am not enough, and I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.

By way of the heart:
This book is about discovering who you are, as a woman. A woman who at her core was made for romance, made to play an irreplaceable role in a shared adventure, and who really does possess a beauty all her own to unveil. The woman God had in mind when he made Eve...and when he made you. Glorious, powerful and captivating.

What does Eve speak to us?
The story of Eve holds such rich treasures for us to discover. The essence and purpose of a woman is unveiled here in the story of her creation. These profound, eternal, mythic themes are written not just here in the coming of Eve, but in the soul of every woman after. She has a crucial role to play, a destiny of her own. And she too, bears the image of God, but in a way that only the feminine can speak: firstly that God is relational to his core, secondly that God longs to share adventures with us - adventures that you cannot accomplish without him. And finally that God has a beauty to unveil, a beauty that is captivating and powerfully redemptive.

God's heart for relationship:
The vast desire and capacity a woman has for intimate relationships tells us of God's vast desire and capacity for intimate relationships - he yearns for relationships with us. "Now this is eternal life; that they may know you, the only true God." (John 17:3). So God endows Woman with certain qualities that are essential to relationship, qualities that speak of God. She is inviting. She is vulnerable. She is tender. She embodies mercy. She is also fierce and fiercely devoted. As the old saying goes "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." That's just how God acts when He isn't chosen "I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God who will not share your affection with any other god!" (Ex 20:5)

An adventure to share:
When God creates Eve he calls her an ezer kenegdo. "It is not good for man to be alone, I shall make him [an ezer kenegdo]" (Gen 2:18) This phrase is notoriously difficult to translate, usually "helper" or "companion". The word ezer is used only twenty other times in the entire OT. And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately. "I lift my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the maker of Heaven and earth." (Ps 121:1-2) Most of the contexts are life and death, and God is their only hope. Your ezer. A better translation of ezer would be "lifesaver". Kenegdo means alongside, a counterpart. Picture Arwen from LOTR. She is a princess, a beautiful and brave elf maiden. She comes just in time to save Frodo; it is she, not the warrior Aragorn who rides with glory and speed. She is Frodo's only hope. She is the one entrusted with his life, and with him, the future of Middle Earth. She is his ezer kenegdo. That longing in the heart of a woman to share life together as a great adventure - that comes straight from the heart of God, who also longs for this. He does not want to be an option in our lives, or a tagalong. God is essential, just as Eve who has an irreplaceable role to play. And so you'll see that women are endowed with fierce devotion, an ability to suffer great hardships, a vision to make the world a better place.

A woman's deepest question:
Most women doubt very much that they have any genuine beauty to unveil. It is, in fact, our deepest doubt. When it comes to issues surrounding beauty, we vacillate between striving and resignation. New diets, new outfits, new hair colour. Work out, work on your life, try this discipline or that new program for self-improvement. Oh, forget it. Who cares anyway? Put up a shield and get on with life. Hide. Hide in busyness; hide in church activities; hide in depression. There is nothing captivating about me. Certainly not inside me. I'll be lucky to pull it off on the outside. Every woman is haunted by Eve in the core of her being. She knows, if only when she passes a mirror, that she is not what she was meant to be. We are more keenly aware of our shortcomings that anyone else. Remembering the glory that was once ours awakens my heart to an ache that has long gone unfulfilled. It's almost too much to hope for, too much to have lost. You see, every little girl and every little boy is asking one fundamental question. But they are very different questions. Little boys want to know, Do I have what it takes? All that rough and tumble, all the daring and superhero dress up, all of that is a boy seeking to prove that he does have what it takes. He was made in the image of a warrior God. Nearly all a man does is fueled by his search for validation, that longing he carries for an answer to his Question. Little girls want to know, Am I lovely? The twirling skirts, the dress up, the longing to be pretty and to be seen - we are seeking an answer to our own Question. Nearly all a woman does is fueled by her longing to be delighted in, her longing to be beautiful, to be irreplaceable, to have her Question answered "Yes!" Why does the Question linger so? Why haven't we been able to find and rest in a wonderful, personal answer for our own hearts?

The fall of Eve:
Eve is the first to fall. She was convinced that God was holding out on her- that she could not trust his heart towards her. Convinced that to have the best possible life she must take matters into her own hands. In disobeying God, she also violated her very essence. Eve is supposed to be Adam's ezer kenegdo instead she invites him to his death. To be fair, Adam doesn't exactly ride to her rescue. "She also gave some to her husband who was with her and he ate it" (Gen 3:6) The Hebrew word for 'with her' means right there, elbow to elbow. He is standing right there watching the whole thing unravel. And what does he do? Absolutely nothing. He won't risk, he won't fight, he won't rescue Eve. He denied his very nature and went passive. And the curses God pronounced reflect this: Man is cursed with futility and failure. Life is going to be hard for a man now in the place he will feel it most. Failure is a man's worst fear. In the same way, women are cursed with loneliness, with the urge to control, and with the dominance of men. When a man goes bad what is most deeply marred is his strength. He either becomes a passive, weak man - strength surrendered or he becomes a violent, driven man - strength unglued. When a woman falls from grace, what is most deeply marred is her tender vulnerability, beauty that invites to life. She becomes a dominating, controlling woman - or a desolate, needy woman. Or some odd combination of both.

Beauty to unveil:
But the reason a woman wants a beauty to unveil, the reasons she asks "Do you delight in me?" is simply that God does as well. God is captivating beauty. As David prays "One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek...that I may...gaze upon the beauty of the LORD" (Ps 27:4) Can there be any doubt God wants to be worshipped? That He wants to be seen and for us to be captivated by what we see? We have all heard it said that a woman is most beautiful when she's in love. It's true, you've seen it for yourself. When a woman knows she is loved and loved deeply, she glows from the inside. This radiance stems from the heart that has had its deepest questions answered "Am I lovely? Am I worth fighting for?" When these questions are answered, Yes, a restful, quiet spirit settles in a woman's heart. And every woman can have these questions answered Yes. Our God finds you lovely. Jesus has moved heaven and earth to win you for himself. He will not rest until you are completely his. The King is enthralled by your beauty. He finds you captivating.